I’m going to be trying something a little bit different in this article. To show you how to improve self esteem, I am going to be answering some questions that were asked on the Self-Esteem page in Quora. Quora is a question-and-answer site (like Yahoo Answers…but better!) that is well known for its self-help related questions.
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE:
If all goes well with this article and I get positive feedback from you guys, I will be doing these Quora Q & A style blog posts more often, covering different self-improvement topics such as confidence, happiness, success, and more!
As mentioned above, this article will be focused on the topic of how to improve self esteem. I will be answering each question to the best of my ability based on the knowledge I have at my disposal. The questions are fairly common ones, so there is a very good chance that at least one of them will apply to you! Let’s get right into it…
HOW TO IMPROVE SELF ESTEEM – QUESTIONS:
1) IS HE SETTLING FOR ME BECAUSE HE CAN’T GET BEAUTIFUL PERFECT WOMEN? IS IT TRUE THAT MEN ONLY GO FOR WOMEN THEY THINK ARE IN THEIR LEAGUE?
This is a two-parter question related to dating. Let’s start with the first one…
I believe that some men do settle in some respects. Men who suffer from things that inhibit them socially such as social anxiety or a poor self-image can often settle for a certain kind of woman. They can have a tendency to shave away some of their ambition when trying to attract a woman.
That’s not to say that they aren’t happy with the particular women they do decide to date. A lot of men are happy with their girlfriends even though they may not be supermodels or the most beautiful women in the world. However, oftentimes men will settle and avoid pursuing women who have more perceived value to them and what they are looking for.
So yes, I do believe that the gentleman in this question could be settling for the woman that is asking the question. However, this is part of a larger problem which is a lack of self esteem on the woman’s part. The woman probably does have a lot of attractive qualities that she could be projecting to the man she is pursuing in more effective ways. But it sounds like her self-image may be self-sabotaging her in the way she is portraying herself to the man she is trying to pursue. She may not know how to improve self esteem and he may be seeing that.
As for the second part of the question, I would say that it is NOT true that men only go for women they think are in their league. Men are very driven by physical attraction at first. So I think they would be drawn to women in any sort of league (at least speaking for myself). I would go for the woman that I perceive as attractive to me, no matter what “league” she is in (“league” in itself implies that this man is putting certain women on a pedestal).
On the other hand, you could look at men who do not know how to improve self esteem. They may settle and hold themselves back from pursuing women that they perceive as really attractive. This is something that could happen as well.
2) HOW DO YOU BOOST SELF-CONFIDENCE?
Self-confidence is a very broad term, but it seems to resemble your overall self-image. I have a couple parts to this answer…
Firstly, get clear on your values and who you truly believe you are. It can always be helpful to spend the time to do some self-authoring and gaining clarity on what your values are. For example, what do you want to bring to the world? What do you enjoy? What are your hobbies and interests? You want to be clear on what you really want out of life.
When you are able to identify your values and life goals and start to embody them within you, that is when you develop true self-confidence. You start to feel good about what you are putting out into the world. For example, if one of your life goals is to start a business, but you are going to your 9-5 job every day and sitting there complaining about it, then you wouldn’t be living in accordance with your values. That would negatively affect your self-confidence.
So in summary, get clear on your values and your goals if you want to boost your self-confidence and know how to improve self esteem.
3) WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “EGO” AND “SELF ESTEEM”?
I would actually call ego “false self esteem”. Self esteem is true inner confidence. This means really being happy with your values and interests, and what you are putting out into the world. Self esteem is being happy with who you are no matter what the external circumstances may be.
On the other hand, ego is a way to make others believe that you have high self esteem when in truth you don’t. For example, maybe you get jealous of a guy who has an attractive girlfriend that you really want. You go up to the guy and say, “Yeah man, I’ve dated 10 attractive women in the last year. It’s amazing! I’ve dated a supermodel, a brain surgeon, a wealthy lawyer, it’s awesome!” However, in truth, you haven’t done any of that. You are just lying to massage your ego and promote false self esteem.
4) WHEN WILL I NOT NEED TO IMPRESS WOMEN?
I feel like the person asking this question has the wrong mentality here. If you’re really thinking about impressing women while you are in an interaction with them, you are going to lose…you will not succeed in that circumstance. When you are focused on impressing a woman, you are focused on pleasing her as opposed to being satisfied with the value YOU are offering her.
So my answer to this question is that you NEVER need to impress women, you just shouldn’t have that mindset. Technically, for you to match with a particular woman, she has to like what you are bringing to the table. However, this isn’t what you should be FOCUSING on.
You have to be in the mindset of offering value FIRST and seeing what comes back afterward. Go into a date being clear on your values, your hobbies, and interests. You want to be asking the woman a lot of questions. That way, you can figure out who SHE is, and take interest in what she is bringing to the table as a person. At that point, you can see if she is a good fit for you. Of course, you also want to be open about who you are, so she can see what you are about. Whether it ends up being a match or not is something that will take care of itself.
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