I want to explore a common question that many people ask themselves when they are pursuing relationships, friendships, or any social connection. That is: “How do you be yourself? What does be yourself even mean?” The advice you’ve probably heard before is “just be yourself” or if you’re a guy, you’ve probably heard girls say that they want a guy who can “just be himself”. As simple as this sounds, hearing this can be very frustrating. You leave not actually knowing HOW to be yourself.
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE:
For example, why is it that you can feel completely natural and express yourself effortlessly around certain people, but feel totally inhibited around others? I want to share 3 questions that you can ask yourself when trying to form connections with other people. They will help you project who you really are as a person in social settings so that people UNDERSTAND what you bring to the table. Here they are:
3 QUESTIONS TO ASK:
1) WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?
The first question to help you know how to be yourself is: What are your values? What is most important to YOU? This can stem from how you were raised, and the knowledge and experiences that your parents or guardians passed onto you while you grew up. This can shape your current reality in life: how you believe life is, your different perspectives on life, the different directions you end up going in your life, and what you dedicate your time to.
When you are entering a new relationship or friendship, it is important to actually seek out people who have similar values to you. That way, you will be more in sync with them. The key to connecting with someone is being able to understand them on that emotional and spiritual level that can be constituted by one’s values. When you know how to be yourself, this kind of connection will take place more often and with less effort.
YOUR LIFE PURPOSE
Another thing to consider when it comes to your values is this: What is your larger purpose in life? What is something you are really passionate about and you feel that you have a strong drive towards? For me, being a mental illness sufferer, and someone who has struggled with self-esteem issues, I feel driven to help others who have gone through similar problems and I do that through this blog and my larger brand, Fearless Progression. So think about how YOU can use YOUR values to help out a larger cause. What drives you every day?
When you are meeting someone you are romantically interested in, you want to have a larger purpose or ambition in your life that motivates you, because that is a very attractive quality to have. Using your values to put forth your best effort in the world shows that you are a caring and passionate individual.
2) WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES/INTERESTS?
The second question is: What are your hobbies and interests? I’m not talking about the things that you do because OTHER people want you to do them. Maybe your friend wants to go see an action movie but you HATE action movies. You want to ask yourself what you genuinely enjoy doing. What are things you naturally want to do in your spare time? Maybe it is playing baseball, maybe it’s playing basketball or dancing. These are the things that ACTUALLY take up a lot of your time, and conveys to other people that you have a life and that you enjoy it.
Having hobbies and interests help you carry yourself in a fun and positive way. These are also very attractive qualities to have as a potential friend or relationship partner. You want to be someone who can offer value to other people. When they see you, they can envision themselves feeling more positive about their life, and be enjoying themselves more.
So when you want to learn how to be yourself, remember that your values and your hobbies/interests create your self-image and what you project to the world. There is a reason that online dating profiles ask what is important to you and what values you look for in your potential relationship partner. They also ask what you enjoy doing for fun and what you would enjoy doing on your ideal date.
3) HOW ARE YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS?
The third question that ties the first two together is: How are your social skills? Are you able to take your values and your hobbies/interests and CONVEY them to people in an effective way? Do people actually understand what you are putting out into the world? If you don’t have great social skills, you might be an AWESOME person and have a lot to offer the world. However, people don’t understand that and don’t perceive you as that.
You want to express genuine excitement and passion when you talk about your hobbies and interests. If you are on a date, you want the person you are with to think, “Wow! This person has so much they are excited about in life”. You want to convey the message that you don’t REQUIRE the other person to enjoy your life or be fulfilled, but they can join you on your journey if they wish. Your life should already be awesome without a girlfriend/boyfriend or new potential friend. Another person should never be the OBJECTIVE of your life, they should simply complement the great life that you already have.
BEING HUMAN IS AWESOME!
You also want to convey that you are really proud and confident in your values and hobbies/interests. It is one thing to talk about who you are and what you stand for, but does your body language match that? You want your body language to show confidence and pride in these traits that represent you. Being YOU is awesome, you are a human being! Business guru Gary Vaynerchuk always talks about what an amazing gift it is to be human. You could’ve been an ant or a tree, but you were born as a human being. And as a human, you have so much potential and capability. Be proud of all the values and hobbies that make up YOU!
The final point to mention is that you should be comfortable disagreeing with other people. Oftentimes we are scared of rejection. We like to go along with other people’s ideas and opinions due to peer pressure or poor negotiating skills. But are you able to express YOUR ideas and opinions? When someone wants to do something, maybe you don’t want to. Maybe you don’t want to go see that movie or go to that restaurant, but are you able to express that? Are you able to express which movies you DO want to see or what RESTAURANTS you do want to go to?
If you want more information on how to conquer this social anxiety or poor social skills, I have other articles on my blog that you can check out, specifically the ones on how to handle rejection, and how to increase your self-esteem.
RECAPPING HOW TO BE YOURSELF
In summary, remember to ask yourself the following 3 questions when learning how to be yourself:
- What are my values?
- What are my hobbies and interests?
- How are my social skills?
I know you are awesome, so let’s start showing the world how awesome you are!
For more self-esteem, confidence, and personal development content I want to invite you to follow me on my other channels:
Finally, please leave me a rating or a comment below! Positive and negative feedback is appreciated and I am committed to delivering high-quality content every time. Thanks for your support!